A Departure In Credibility

I think this is self-explanatory, friends.
Unedited and unabashed. . .(BTW, the initial entry was posted anonymously – to my Contact page. I just love anger shrouded in mystery!)
Enjoy:

Dear Flunkie,
I have a story that you may relate to. A few years back I met this guy online, bored at work and sick of dating men who i had nothing in common with I somehow ended up chatting with a guy on Craigslist! That should have been my first red flag, but I on the other hand am a kind and honest person so I thought, Hell! maybe this guy is too!
Anyhow, after meeting at a coffee shop we really seemed to hit it off, one thing led to another and after a few weeks we were spending allot of time together. And then it began….the conversation’s about how he had not had a relationship last more than 6 months in his entire life. How he had been wronged by everyone. How he chased a woman to a foreign land, made a large financial investment and then fled the border….but don’t judge him. His story was that he left a mailing address for the bank and that they just simply never got in touch with him. Phew, lucky him….never had to pay a dime, must have GOOD KARMA!

The sad sad stories continued, his job sucked, his family was awful, all women broke his heart and he just COULDN’T commit. So, you might ask…what in HELL was I doing dating this scum bag? Well, that’s a fine question, i on the other hand had enough emotional baggage at the time that I can honestly say my head was up my ass!
Long story short, I continued to date him for a few more weeks when one weekend he went out of town. This was sorta a red flag because he had NO friends, everyone of my friends thought I was nuts for dating this douche bag and well, when he told me he got a side job 600 miles away for the weekend I should have guessed it paid pretty damn good! Let me cut to the chase, this total self centered, narcissistic, lying little prick went to go get himself a little piece of ass and then came back and told me all about it! WOW….now that is a real loser!
It’s no wonder he would find himself after a long bout of unemployment, talking some us-suspecting employer desperate to make a buck into letting him name himself THE RELATIONSHIP FLUNKIE!
Best of luck Brad!

Wow, (insert name here). . .im not sure what inspired you to write such a hateful message. If I was the person I used to be – I would author a no-holds-barred response.
However, I read something quite profound recently which affected the very core of me. Its a book called The Four Agreements. I highly recommend it.
I take no offense to you in this moment; the purge of negativity I’ve just witnessed is between you and you only. When you speak to me with such emotional poison, you are only hurting yourself.

I often look back on the time we had together and am grateful for it. You are an amazing person who is thoughtful, intelligent, hilarious, beautiful, and resilient. I hope you continue on a great path and find peace and freedom within your heart. You deserve it, and I wish you the best.
I’m truly sorry you’re in the spot you’ve found, as you have written me. I know that it, too, shall pass.
With love and deepest sympathy,
Me

Brad,
give me a break! I am in a wonderful place in my life and have been for a long time. Pretending to be an expert to the public as if you were reborn is an absolute joke. You were about the most selfish person i have met, if you have transformed then I am very happy for you. Truly. It does not make you an expert even if you are getting paid. I have read your blogs and I find it incredibly decietful to talk as if you understand human emotion with such clarity & wisdom. The fact is, you have treated people like shit, walked all over them, lied to them and then acted as if you had no responsibility for your own actions. THe truth can hurt, but it is still the truth.
I sincerely hope that you are a changed person, for yourself and all who come in contact with you. I wish no ill feelings towards you what so ever, but from an outsiders point of view, from someone who was on the recieveing end of your selffishness I can say this. What you write holds little value or credibility. Start by being honest with your audience, calling yourself a flunkie but failing to say why pretty much discredits you.
What inspired me to write to you was your absolute arrogance in which you write. We have all been selfish, made huge mistakes that have hurt others, of course that includes myself as well but if you gave a shit beyond a pay check than that would be clear in your writing. It is not.
Maybe you will find a self help book on honesty and that will start to come through in your blogs. I mean that without sarcasm.
On a side note, I am happy that you are at leaste beginning to look at yourself in a new light, and I do hope you can walk away with something from my offered piece of humble pie.

Wow. . . again. . . such venom to spit in my direction. It’s a miserable way to start the day, don’t you think?
I appreciate your concern that the truth hurts me. . .in this case it does not.
The truth you write about is your truth, and it is poison unto you.
My truth is found in the words I use.
Because I’m going to publish this exchange for my readers – I’m offering a few final thoughts:

1.) When an individual is in a truly free and happy place – he views the world with love in his eyes. He is not offended, nor negatively affected by the actions of another because he has the ability to see himself in that other. Likewise, he expresses gratitude for his own life by speaking impeccably.

2.) In every event – it is better to ask questions than to make assumptions.

I am not paid for this. I am a guy with a voice and a few self-sought venues in which to promulgate it. What I give a sh*t about is the human condition – the feelings we have, the actions inspired by them, and the honesty with which we convey those feelings to the world. For your role in this, (insert name here) – I thank you. You have felt, acted, and expressed the truth as you know it.
And that’s exactly what I want out of all this. . .
Be well,
Brad

you are rediculous.

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This is Not a Post About Masturbation

See? Told ya. . .

But – you’re here, and reading anyway. So – I’m presently nominating myself for a marketing award.

(My apologies to anyone feeling bamboozled.)

Also – if you subscribed to my blog for the perceived anger and resentment, I’m not sure how much longer I can keep that up.
I’m afraid I’ll actually begin to develop an affinity to Schlitz, as opposed to buying it for the fun I extract in wearing the box as a hat.

(So – condolences to you, as well, who can no longer rely on the solace you found in my undertones of misery.)

Ahh well – at least I’m still hilarious.

In any event – a bit of a departure for me in this re-post, but I’ve recently discovered just how much sense it makes:

I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And doggone it. . . .

(Ok – the ‘How To Love Yourself’ worksheet is a bit suspect, but you get the general idea, right?)

Oh Man. . .Did He Really Just Quote That Guy?

I promise not to make a habit of this, Kids. . .

But since life-altering profundity is severely lacking these days, I kinda felt the need to pass it on. (And – I just wanted to offer some of you the reassurance that although I’m not well-read – I am, indeed, literate.)

Fast track to the front of the class if you can identify this:
(hint – Elmo say: ‘It’s not me!’)

‘What if I had a big fight with you and I told you all of those emotional poisons that I have against you and you die tomorrow? Oops! Oh my God, the Judge will get me so bad, and I will feel so guilty for everything that I told you. I will even feel guilty for not telling you how much I love you. The love that makes me happy is the love that I can share with you. Why do I need to deny that I love you? It is not important if you love me back. I may die tomorrow or you may die tomorrow. What makes me happy now is to let you know how much I love you.’

Wow. . .
Just –
Wow.

Mr. Wizard’s World

Does anyone read these on Friday? Let’s hope so, as I’ve been slacking all week.

. . .Just wanted to offer a little participation opportunity; something to help you all avoid work today. BTW – I love the banter that erupts when I post, so keep up with the great comments! And – thanks for the support thus far. . .

So –

SEX.

Copulation. Carnal Congress. Bumpin’ Uglies. Parking the car in the garage. Wait, how old am I again?

It amazes me – how comfortable we are with the act, yet how much trepidation we experience when discussing it (see also verbal communication ridiculousness).

What do you do in a relationship if you begin to discover that your partner has drastically different sexual expectations?

Now – we’re not talking an isolated patch in time, i.e.:

‘had an exhausting week/barely had the energy to brush my teeth’;
or –
‘you’re being a complete jerk/you don’t understand me/don’t come near me with that thing/I’d rather fight for the next few days instead offer one another a good ole fashioned grudge f*ck’

I’m talking real disparity folks. . .Like – she wants it twice a day; he wants it twice a week (weirdo – but they do exist).

(I realize what I’ve just described may not be a terribly common dynamic. After all – how would you even have wound up in a committed relationship together. . .)

Nevertheless, how do you handle this?

Also consider if you will – a more likely bone of contention relating to the physical chemistry spectrum:

Variances of kink.

And again – we’re not really analyzing black vs. white here.

If she only ever wants a missionary experience, but he is more comfortable in a full blown scat party – chances are you won’t sleep together more than once.

Issue is:
How do you deal with a partner who is completely non-responsive to YOUR fantastical requests, much less a bed-mate who rarely shares any of HIS/HER OWN?

Hit me.
(no, not like a dominatrix.)

These Shoes Were Made for Talkin’

Alright people. What are we coming to? A friend of mine sent this to me the other day. And whilst I’m not sure it’s enough fodder for a full-fledged advice piece – it’s most certainly worthy of our commentary. Here it is:

‘I have a problem. And yes, I am admitting I have a problem – it’s the first step. I absolutely love to communicate; talking about everything – it’s liberating to know what the other person is thinking and to be able to tell him how you feel. But I might have gone too far…I can tell the guy I am dating is no longer into me as much as he used to be. So I brought this up in conversation. Oops… drama, chaos, and insanity has ensued, and now he won’t talk to me. My addiction to communication is making me crazy because I don’t know what’s going on. I need to know. Talk to me; I am not psychic!!!’

Buddy – I can relate to this. You have no problem. You’re human, and so am I. Rare these days – I know.

To desire communication so desperately and be denied the opportunity. It’s disrespectful, deflating, and all together damaging. You wanna send someone into a headspin? Deny him free speech. And – the option to listen.

Now why is it – in a society where we’ve painstakingly developed an effective means of verbal communication – are there so few people that are willing to use it?

All of us are eager to hear and be heard, none of us are mind-readers, and there’s only a small population who practice magic. The blank faces and the over-reactions – they’ve got to stop.

The spoken word is the very foundation for our relationships with other human beings.
It is the essence of our humanity.

So – how can we possibly find some semblance of intimacy in its absence?

Please. . . TALK amongst yourselves.

Chicks Really Don’t Dig Unemployment

RF:

I’m a 30-year-old guy from the Chicago area. I’ve lived in Albuquerque for 2 years, and I’ve dated women ranging in age from the mid-20s to mid-30s. My last 2 relationships quickly developed into committed partnerships; they progressed very similarly and ended just the same.
As we’d grow close, I’d begin to witness what seemed like symptoms of Manic Depression. These women exhibited on-off, hot-cold behavior; they’d love me one day and hate me the next. Needless to say – I ended both relationships cold-turkey. Twice-bitten, I guess.
Now – I’m hesitant to walk down the relationship path with any local woman, much less start dating casually again. Help! What can I do, short of moving back to the Midwest to fish in a different pond?

Green Flamingo

GF:

Thanks for this one; you’re speakin’ my language, Brother. . .
It’s been a while since you wrote me, but I’ve finally cracked this nut. Hopefully you haven’t yet quit your job and sought exile; chicks REALLY don’t dig unemployment (or backwoods, Bin Laden-type beards).

In any event – if there’s one thing I’ve learned from counseling – it’s literally one thing: look at yourself; you’re the common denominator.

In this case, however – I’m throwin’ out the introspective process as a viable path to enlightenment. Giving you my most sincere benefit of doubt, I’m gonna say that your experience with these women – is not your fault. So try not to let a mugshot appear in the paper anytime soon, ok? It’ll destroy what I’m tryin’ to do here. . .

Bottom line is, GF – I’ve suffered from a few of these roller-coaster relationships. And whilst my research tells me that you and I fit into a category of gluttons for repeated punishment – we are, inarguably, not the problem.

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that these women probably demonstrate a number of clinically Narcissistic traits. I wish I had the bandwidth to write a comprehensive essay on the subject (dissecting these creatures is my new favorite pastime), but for now – you’ll just have to trust me. Google – NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), and if Facebook loads – don’t be alarmed. Seriously though – sift through the muck; somewhere therein lies complete clarity for you.

I’m guessing, GF, that maybe you’re a giver – the type of guy that goes ‘all in’ and tries really hard? Someone who genuinely cares about the happiness of his partner, but isn’t ever allowed to feel like he got it right for more than a brief moment? Hopefully a dude who knows empathy, compassion, commitment, and problem-solving? Again – I’m shootin’ from the hip here – so I’ll just assign you a mostly accurate, overindulgent description of mine-own self. (Yes Ladies – I’m single. To boot – I take my style cues from Ryan Gosling, or as I know him – ‘The Goss’. What more could you want?)

So – these narcissistic women, GF – they flock to you. They see an easy in. They put on their best show. And you fall – hook, line, and sinker. Who wouldn’t?

Wanna know what they’re doing? They’re using you. Often compared to a Black Widow spider – they need your dedication to fill their hollow selves. They’ll take from you until you’re empty, and then they’ll take more. All the while – offering just enough in return to keep you engaged. And that’s why you’ve experienced the hot/cold response. The cold is who they are – completely centered on self. The hot is who they need to be to get from you – fuel – for their unstable egos.

You’ve done the right thing by running, man. Narcissists, male or female, cannot be affected, they cannot be inspired, they cannot be changed. You kinda just have to bury them. . .

So – now that we know what these ducks look like, we can take our raft to a different place in the water – right here. My advice to you, GF – is: don’t change who you are. Rather – temper it. Don’t give up just yet on the decent gals of the 505. Just don’t give ‘em your everything. Hold back. Allow yourself to be pursued a bit. Reserve your efforts for someone who truly shows you that they know how to give – and for giving’s sake. Just – guard yourself fairly.

The right girl will see right through that; she’ll stick around long enough to bring out your best. And when she does – you’ll be met with a fulfillment that is not only equitable, but ultimately inspiring.

Feelin’ your pain,
The Relationship Flunkie

Be My Valentine, Mark Zuckerberg

Relationships and The Facebook. . .

Ahhh, yes – the venue in which we live our lives instead of going out into the world and actually living our lives.

Some of us are clearly more engaged than others. However, all of us do it.
Most impotantly, we each put some sort of stock in it.

I, for one, really only use FB to promote my rising status as a half-eloquent columnist (clears throat); to continue my stats research on old high school classmates who now hold law degrees; and – to stalk ex-girlfriends.

But many of you I know (and there’s no shame in it folks!) seem to think the rest of us care what you’re eating for lunch on Tuesday, or what the most adorable animal in the world (that’s right – it’s yours!) looks like in various (and completely hilarious?) situations.

That’s beside the point. . .

The matter at hand is – how we handle our intimate personal relationships in an online environment that is, in effect, no longer virtual. So much friending and unfriending. Flirtatious comments and ‘likes’. Johhny’s in a relationship with Sally. Jennifer’s now single. Not to mention – the ever-dreaded ‘block’.

Unbelieveably – the complexity here is paramount (still clearing throat), and people are deeply affected by this sh*t:

When is the right time to change your relationship status? What if my partner doesn’t accept the request? Should I question the nature of her new friends? Why is he still ‘interested in women’?

So – tell me about the stuff that plagues you guys on this one. . .